Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
