The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
