im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
