Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
