how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
