He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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