He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
