i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
