Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
