Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
