If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
