the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
