party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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