Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am available for nakedness
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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