ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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