Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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