why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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