My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
