It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
