just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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