I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
