I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
