So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
