I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
