i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
