the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
