its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
