she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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