i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
