this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
