Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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