Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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