Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
