I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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