That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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