I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he puts the penis in happiness.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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