i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
