They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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