real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
