I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
