I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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