We're facebook friends in real life
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I cut my penus on the lid.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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