There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
