Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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