It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
