i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
