The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
