He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
