sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
