You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
