I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
