I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
