this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
