You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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