Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
